THREE THINGS... Transformation. Truth-telling. Liberation.

The bishop was visiting for a special confirmation service mid-week. We'd had a lovely dinner in the parish hall and now the service was underway. It was a small parish and about a third of the pews were filled. I was sitting in my usual seat in the chancel and listening to the bishop preach informally from the aisle. It was not a long sermon and I don't remember every word, but what I do remember shaped my ministry in ways I could not have imagined. It was, admittedly, a small shift in perspective, but one that grew over time. The bishop spoke about transformation. He said that the whole point of the Gospels and of church life was transformation; we are supposed to change. I had understood the teachings of the church as the training of disciples, of obedience to and worship of God, of mission and evangelism, of outreach and good works, and of living a model Christian life, but somehow the word transformation had never been on that list. That one word, transformation, would haunt me for years to come as I tried to understand what he meant. On one level it was obvious and simple, but on another level, it was entirely mysterious. 

That sermon and its introduction to the concept of transformation was about 10 years ago I reckon. It has taken a long time for it to flourish in my understanding. It has also taken a lot of teachers from a variety of perspectives and cultures. Each, in their own way, lead me back, again and again, to the revered one of my own tradition, rabbouni Jesus. It seems that the wise teachers outside of Christianity can see in Jesus what Christians, like me, miss: Transformation is the whole point. This speaks to more than making an effort to be a better human being, to be more like Jesus. 

"Sometimes people want to imitate Christ, but when a monkey plays a saxophone, that doesn't make him a musician." (A. DeMello, Awareness, 96.) 

Sometimes, probably a lot of the time, the church teaches us how to venerate Christ (worship Jesus) and how to imitate Christ (discipleship), but that alone does not serve us, not really. It's perfunctory. 

"You can't imitate Christ by imitating his external behavior. [What would Jesus do? insertion mine] You've got to be Christ. Then you'll know what to do in a particular situation... No one has to tell you. But to do that, you must be what Christ was. An external imitation will get you nowhere." (ibid.)

The truth is, through the gospel accounts we have received Jesus' teachings on transformation. We have received what is necessary to be Christ. But to receive the teachings with understanding (wisdom) requires the heart of someone who has not only a willingness, but a longing, to be transformed, to grow up, to awaken. For that one, nothing else matters. Nothing. 

This is where transformation begins, with awakening.  

Awakening, the one and only path to transformation, is uncomfortable; it requires effort, daily, momentary attention to detail, relentless attention to the inner life; it requires truth-telling - the truth that we are no different and certainly no better than anyone else. 

DeMello continues: "People tell you, 'I think you’re very charming,' so I feel wonderful. I get a positive stroke (that’s why they call it I’m O.K., you’re O.K.). I’m going to write a book someday and the title will be I’m an Ass, You’re an Ass. That’s the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you’re an ass. It’s wonderful. When people tell me, “You’re wrong.” I say, “What can you expect of an ass?” (A. DeMello, Awareness, 39-40.) 

Liberation. The reward of awakening is freedom. Liberation from a unseen, unknown slavery. We don't know that we are slaves because we are so conditioned and programmed to suffer. But we don't know that. We are taught that everyone who lives must suffer. But this is not true.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."  (Attributed to the Dalai Lama, Haruki Murakami, and M. Kathleen Casey) 

As we grow in the spiritual life we learn, and come to actually believe, that our suffering is an opportunity for our growth. With God nothing is wasted. It is the most direct path to awakening for some. But many of us do not see that there is anything beyond the painful circumstances of their lives and we muddle through. 

"If you knew how to use that suffering, oh, how you would grow."  (A. DeMello, Awareness, 107.)

To awaken is to gain a freedom that cannot be taken away because it's not conditional on external circumstances. It is only conditional on internal wakefulness. We think that if we change things in our environment we'll be happy, we'll be free. But in reality, it is directly through our discontent, our hatred, our anger, our dissatisfaction, our criticism, that we are bound to all the things about which we are discontent and hate, and with which we are angry and dissatisfied; and more so to the things we push away. All we denounce we drag around with us with invisible chains. There is a path to liberation, but this is not it. 

The path may take any number of forms. I suggest a reading of the Gospels with the eyes of longing to awaken, to know God. Read the Gospels but do not neglect the writings of the mystics. They will guide you and not by way of the straight path or through the narrow gate of understanding but rather along the shores of a great ocean.  There you will see that at the place where the sky and sea meet on the horizon there is both an end to what can be seen and at the same time clarity that the expanse of both sky and sea extend to places beyond comprehension. Standing on the shore with Wisdom as your guide you realize that you are seeing yourself as you truly are; awakened, liberated, transformed. 

Thank you for reading my blog and walking with me in the path of spiritual grace; for your willingness to spend this time with me, as together we learn how to see and be Christ in the world. Rowena + 

Mother Jesus: Moving toward full integration

 

I asked the congregation: When you look at this picture what do you see? Do you see structure and order? or do you see nurture and wisdom? Without hesitation I heard a rousing "nurture and wisdom" response. 

I followed with: I would like to introduce you to Mother Jesus. 

Like a koan, a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, this image of Jesus as Mother can lead us into the full integration of a whole spirituality that is well beyond the dualism of the present time. That is where we are going, after all; where all of us are going. We are moving toward full integration; to a broader, deeper, and far more comprehensive understanding of ourselves as spiritual beings than ever before in our common history. 

When I speak of integration I am talking about achieving greater balance between two opposing and equally necessary energies. There are two kinds of energy that are present throughout the universe: feminine and masculine energy, aka Yin and Yang in the East. It is essential to understand that this has little to do with gender. All humans have within them both energies. Men often have more dominate male energy, but not always. Women are generally believed to have more feminine energy. However, I suspect that this used to be far more true 50 years ago. But today I experience many women as predominately masculine in energy with the corresponding attributes (again, I am not speaking to physical attributes or characteristics but rather the attributes of feminine and masculine energy which I will describe in detail below. In fact, the social equality of women with men (while a great improvement for women worldwide and a great enrichment to society in general) has also, in my opinion, created a kind of feminine oppression internally as well as socially. (I am not against women's liberation!!! but I am observing a possible byproduct of it.) There have been some very good books written on the topic of masculinity and femininity. One such is Matthew Fox's,  The Green Man, which addresses the divine masculine, and how the loss of this sacred knowledge has adversely affected men, young men particularly, in modern culture. 

Many attributes can be assigned to both types of energy but for the sake of brevity I will simplify it with the attributes of Structure and Order as expressions of male energy and Wisdom and Nurture as expression of female energy. The construction of buildings are male in their nature as are modes of transportation - cars, planes, trains - the fastest way from A to Z. The world is organized and runs ordered by logic, mathematics, engineering. Law and the maintaining of order in highly male. Think Pharisees. But without the feminine wisdom (Sophia), the Law (Torah) becomes legalistic. Let us be clear: masculine energy is good and necessary. Without it, things fall apart. But it requires its counterpart for the stability of the whole.

Feminine energy is slow and expanding. It does not seek the fastest and most efficient route but rather takes the long way and stops to speak to everyone with measured words, listening and responding without hurry. It intuits the whole of the human condition, embracing it with joy and laughter, appreciates mystery and suspects certainty; it smells the roses along the way to wherever it is going. The journey is all that matters; the destination is a footnote. In the Judeo-Christian tradition Wisdom is associated with Sophia, the divine feminine. The entire Wisdom tradition of Judaism and Christianity and the mystics of every ancient faith tradition are characterized as feminine in nature. 

Mary and Martha are good examples of these opposing and equally necessary energies. It was Jesus who said that Mary had the better part - not as a judgment against the efficiency and goodness of Martha but rather because the world was in such short supply of the feminine energy she embodied. Consider also the woman with the alabaster jar. Masculine energy sees this as inefficient and wasteful (Judas in this story). Mother Jesus makes room for the feminine expression of the extravagant outpouring of nurture and healing, unrestrained.

Most, perhaps all, of our institutions are structured and are organized in a way that is historically patristic/male dominated (going beyond the fact that men have traditionally build and led them - but more so that male energy (and to my earlier point, regardless of the gender of the people in power) remains dominate. This is great for a society that honors order and structure, until that is all that there is; the Spirit of the Law has been trampled by the foot of efficiency and expediency and the humanity of the people is of little account. Consider Jesus' teachings. Did he promote more order and structure or more wisdom and nurture? Was he forcing an outcome? Was he rushed to get to the end of the journey? Did he take the shortest route with greatest efficiency? Was he concerned about time? Did he speak in story and metaphor or in clear and logical language that left nothing to the imagination? Did he appeal to the Wisdom Tradition or the legalistic teachings of the Pharisees? Did he care about the fulfillment of the Spirit of the Law or the correctness of carrying out Levitical Law? Was not the restoration of relationships through love, we with one another, we with God, the primary teaching upon which all else rested? Jesus was fully, biologically male, and offered to his generation and ours a model of perfect balance.

Within the church there is an acknowledgment of the need to right the scales and to balance these energies in our common life but the remedies sometimes miss the mark. That is to say, that just because women are being increasingly ordained to the priesthood and voted into the House of Bishops, does not mean that the church will necessarily became more integrated. As I have said previously, we generally, an erroneously, assume that women have more feminine energy and males more masculine energy - but that is not necessity the case. There are powerful forces at play within the structure of the church (as well as socially/culturally) that maintain the patristic character and the residential masculine energy of the institution. In my experience as a female priest, most congregants want their priest to perform duties and lead worship in the same way as their traditional male counterparts have done historically (which is decidedly masculine in character). To vary from this overarching model is not well tolerated because the entire system is in itself dominated by masculine energy and its attributes with expectations of structure and order above all else. Structure and order are good and necessary but they, in themselves, are only one half of a balanced equation. 

Further, I submit that is hard for us to imagine what that would look like in practice. The Book of Common Prayer and its liturgies are masculine in nature - structure and order - but contain within them the spirit of wisdom and nurture. But the potential for realizing balance in their application does not come naturally because we are individually so out of balance. An energetically balanced liturgy requires the allowance of curiosity and experimentation; for flow to replace process. Such a worship experience might include such elements as art, poetry, spontaneous prayer, liturgical dance, dramatic enactments, storytelling, the presence of water and incense, a variety of musical expressions, anointing for healing, periods of silence and meditation, and other infusions of feminine energy. This shift in liturgical expression would not just look different on paper but would be experienced quite differently than what is presently in use. Matthew Fox's "Cosmic Masses" are integrated worship experiences in their fullest expression; I had the honor of experiencing one held at the National Cathedral some years ago. Expressions of both masculine and feminine energies and their attributes are necessary for liturgies that are fully integrated and are worth the effort, even in small measures, introduced a little at a time. 

There is a great wave of spiritual awakening occurring here on planet earth presently. One of the obvious signs of this is the breaking down of systems: political institutions, educational institutions, monetary institutions, health institutions (big Pharma), agricultural institutions (big Agra), religious institutions, etc. I am not declaring any great prophecy here, I am simply pointing to what is actually occurring. This is not to say, with undue hysteria, that everything is falling apart and we are heading into chaos. I am saying that we have systems that are not well balanced energetically and they cannot stand long-term because the consequences of their actions on the human family can be, and, in fact, are devastating. Let me give an example of how this plays out in real life (and I'm sure you can come up with several of your own):

In indigenous, earth-based cultures, there is a strong and long tradition of "grandmothers." These are the wisdom keepers. (In this culture these are gender specifically women.)  Whenever a change in the way of doing things is being considered, it is presented to the grandmothers for the final word. The main question before them is: How will this affect the 7th generation? After sitting with this question for some time, if the decision is that it would not benefit the 7th generation the idea is put away. In our modern, "advanced" society, there are no grandmothers to be consulted because there are no official wisdom keepers (expressions of the divine feminine) who have a say in the things that affect humanity down the road. "Progress" moves forward with speed and efficiency; short-term profit, and the creation of structures to execute the decisions of the men and women who are in positions of authority, with little to no thought of the generations to come. No one on the planet is protected from the consequences of this imbalance of masculine and feminine energy and its attributes and its often highly regrettable affects on human life and the future of our species. 

"Just because you can do something does not mean you should."  - Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park

Having noted this rather sobering example, let us also acknowledge that the fevered pitch of the masses who stand in complete opposition to one another in each of the institutional sectors and on every issue of our time, stands in equal measure to the integration/awakening that is occurring. Let us look at an example of that:

There is a very large and increasing number of youth who are grappling with the question of what it means to be female and male, and the attributes of the feminine and masculine. There is a lot of exploration and experimentation going on. Let us observe without judgment; let us listen and understand, asking: "Tell me what you see about yourself and how you are relating to the world" (wisdom and nurturing, attributes of feminine energy (not biological women) used constructively). Let us spare our youth from any further impositions of structure and order - "something is wrong with you because you're breaking the rules/social norms/my expectations of who you are supposed to be" (attributes of masculine energy (not biological men) not used constructively). I do not believe this cultural phenomenon to be a fad, but rather an important part of a cosmic event - the shift to full integration (of the energies - apart from gender considerations - which may be a part of that, but is not the topic of this article). The young ones are reflecting back to us the process of full integration that is occurring globally. We should be paying close attention and engaging thoughtfully in discussions with these young explorers - especially those of us who claim a religious or spiritual practice. What I have observed in these courageous youth is that the pull to question is far greater than the need to assimilate. (That, in itself, is movement toward full integration.) 

They are asking, in their own way: Assimilate to what?

Let me be clear: I am not interested in or suggesting Mother Jesus as a transgendered icon for the LBGTQI+ community - to make that inference is to miss the point entirely. Full integration, in as far as the limits of this article, is not about gender; nor promoting a cause. I'm not an activist calling out for social justice and I'm not particularly interested in convincing anyone about anything. I'm happy for you to totally disagree with me and delighted that you engaged long enough to do so! This is not an easy concept for the West. But the energies and the attributes of the masculine and the feminine are beyond agreement and disagreement, they simply are; it is understanding that is lacking. 

Out beyond right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I'll meet you there. - Rumi

To gain understanding, I ask that we, as the spiritual beings that we are, observe, without judgment, these energies and their attributes so that we might then be able to intentionally work toward and recognize full integration. Integration is not a lofty ideal; Mother Jesus is a substantive model that all of us can strive to emulate. Full integration is the outward and visible sign of the inward and invisible awakening to self (God's indwelling). 

In the present moment, the forceful measures and pressures of forced assimilation are met with equal forces of awakening to self. 

Many of us are asking: Assimilate to what?  

This question creates space for an understanding of the Christ as Mother Jesus who holds together the two powerful and necessary forces of masculinity and femininity; structure and order and wisdom and nurture in perfect balance creating a foundation upon which we can rebuild our world, institution by institution, one relationship at a time, for the good of the 7th generation.

After-note: For further discussion on this topic see:  Julian of Norwich [d. 1416]: Celebrating Mother Jesus, https://qspirit.net/julian-norwich-mother-jesus/, which came to my attention after I had published this blog entry. 

Thank you for reading my blog and walking with me in the path of spiritual grace; for your willingness to spend this time with me, as together we learn how to see and be Christ in the world. Rowena + 

 

THREE THINGS.... Three ways to really enjoy life

It is often the case that the teacher learns more than the student in most situations. I find this is true of blogging and certainly of preaching. I learn more about a given subject, and myself, I might add, nevermore so then when I undertake to speak or write. I asked Matthew Fox, the hugely famous theologian of our times, and author of over thirty books, how he came up with all the material for his books. I saw him as someone unimaginably intelligent with vast amounts of facts and information in his head. He informed me that that wasn't the case. He said, "I do not write because I know, I write because I do not know." In effect, he said that if knowing the material in advance was required he would never have written a word. But he had topics he wanted to know more about and so he began to explore them on paper and was curious about where that would lead and what he would learn. I think this is a good way to look at life in general, as one who does not know, but has the desire to know and the agency to undertake the work of discovery.  And so it is in the spirit of not knowing, but endeavoring to find out, that I humbly suggest three ways to really enjoy life - as student with agency and not as learned teacher. 

This article is written with the understanding that all of life is spiritual. And everything that happens in our lives, from small talk to major traumas invite us to grow into Christ consciousness. I believe that life is supposed to be enjoyed. But that isn't what we are taught. In fact, we are taught that life is a struggle. Spiritual teachings turn this on its head. Jesus said, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:25-30  In its purest and highest form, the spiritual path is that of realizing the peace that is all around but unseen and largely unknown. The plank in our eye is our belief in struggle. We are blind to peace, to joy, to love. Remove the plank and life is beautiful - no matter what is happening. 

1. Learn to surrender to what is. I might have also said accept what is. But that isn't quite the same thing. There is a submission to acceptance. It suggests that if I could change what is I would, but because I can't or choose not to, acceptance is required. This line from a Star Trek episode comes to mind: "Resistance if futile." Surrender contains a subtlety, a shade of difference from acceptance, at least in the way I am suggesting it. When we accept situations we may be very much opposed to the reality of what we are up against, and our acceptance does not alter that opposition. We just put it to the side. But when we surrender, we drop the resistance. When we surrender, our discomfort or dislike of a situation becomes a moot point, it moves to neutral. That's the whole point of surrender - to take the juice out of it.

The late Jesuit teacher, Anthony DeMello, tells the story of a man on public transit who has a bomb on his lap. The steward comes by a says, "Hey, you don't want that bomb on your lap, put it under your seat." That's the difference between acceptance and surrender. Acceptance moves the bomb from one place to another. Surrender defuses it. 

We go through life daily accepting things that we do not like while complaining about them in the same breath. We rarely surrender to these things. We think that if we surrendering we're giving up - we hold fast to the idea that we must "fight the good fight." Surrender isn't weakness - nor is it strength. Surrender is letting go without judgment.

Sometimes when I'm working I get tired. When I accept that I'm tired I am reacting to the feeling of being tired and try to forge on - maybe I have a deadline I have to get the work done. I'm annoyed at being tired. I'm frustrated that this feeling of being tired is getting in my way, it's keeping me from doing something. I fight it, I try to stay awake and get more annoyed. Other times, I feel that I am tired and surrender to that feeling.  I let my head drop down while I'm sitting there and fall asleep for several minutes. I'm relaxed, there's no resistance, I'm not annoyed or anxious about it. Shortly I wake up naturally. Now I'm refreshed and keep working. No drama. There's a lot of drama in acceptance. There's no drama in surrender. 

Living from a place of surrender is so much better. But we think we have to fight all the time. We don't. We can just go with the flow, without drama, without thinking too much about it. When I was in a difficult situation in the parish some years ago with person who was always looking for a fight, my teacher asked me, "Do you have to fight?" I assumed I had to fight back, to defend my position. But once I thought about it, the answer was clearly, No. I did not accept the situation, I surrendered into it. And the situation evaporated. It was like magic. I did not resign myself to an unwanted situation, I surrendered to its existence without judgment. It was easy. 

We don't actually have to struggle against anything. But no one ever told us that. We are programmed to fight against everything that comes our way. Fight. Fight. Fight. And living is hard and painful that way. Try surrendering to everything that comes your way. Observe how hard it is not to want to fight instead. Explore that urge in you. Where does it come from? What do you hope to gain? What do you fear losing? 

When you fight anything it's like adding gas to a fire. When you surrender, its like feeling a cool breeze on your face on a warm day. 

2. Practice talking less and observing more. This is actually a practice of surrendering vs. fighting/accepting. Most of the time, when we speak, ego is doing the talking. Begin observing conversations. You will observe a lot of subtle fighting going on; that is, a lot of ego establishing of a kind of pecking order. Not always of course, but often. It goes on so predominately that we don't even notice it. It's like fish swimming in the sea in search of water. Observe what you say very closely. How do you feel as you talk? Defensive? Nervous? Need to be right? Need to be understood? 

I used to get very frustrated when I felt I wasn't being heard. I really felt I needed someone to listen to me. Then I began to practice talking less and instead paying attention to that frustration as it arises - the old pattern of my mind justifying why I should be upset because I'm not being heard, or understood (or agreed with!). I began to devise ways of demanding to be heard - of pointing out how rude it is not to listen to other people properly. Silly. I heard my teacher say: Do you need to fight? It's way more interesting to observe what is going on inside of me while others talk and to listen very carefully to what I say in response. Why did I say that? When I consider the motives of my own speaking I find I have less to say. I'm content to listen, to understand and to see the dynamic at play - without judgment. (Can I still hear the other person? Yes, more than before because now I'm aware of what I am doing that before kept me from hearing fully.) Criticism is fighting - it's the counter argument, the justification, it's judgment, it creates a position that must be defended. If judgment shows up, and it usually does, observe it - without judgment! The ego wants to assert itself, that's what it does. On to suggestion #3. 

3. Learn to be the master of your mind and not its servant. There can be no surrender without learning to train your mind, and surrender is the way to train it. All truth is found in paradox. (Unknown.)

There have been times in my life when I have been very depressed, feeling hopeless, and convinced that my mind was my enemy. I felt like I had no power over it. It kept telling me how terrible my situation was, etc. I wondered what it would take to escape the incessant negative thinking. I think a lot of people live like this. And I think too that sometimes, sadly, tragically, people commit suicide because they can't take the inner fight going on anymore and they just want peace. Thankfully, most people do not resort to self-violence to find peace, but many of us find other ways to cope. Many self-medicate and in all kinds of ways: We are addicted to an endless variety of distractions. Alcohol and drugs are obvious, and serious, but I think that cell phones, social media, and gaming are probably even more widespread. I wrote down this quote the other day, which is either from James Finley or Thomas Merton, perhaps Finley quoting Merton:

"Their lives are devoured by activities and strangled by attachments. Interior solitude is impossible and feared. They do everything to escape it."

We want to escape because nobody has taught us to train our minds. It's probably one of the great failings of mainstream religion. And, as author Michael Singer points out, it's so easy. He says, and I paraphrase: Tell your mind to count to 10. Did it do it? It's that easy. It takes practice, but everyone can do this. Singer goes on to say that when we understand life we will know God. We can only understand life when we train our minds, when we become the master of the mind and stop being its slave. In "An Untethered Life" Singer says that if you had a roommate who talked to you like your mind does then you'd kick it out, you wouldn't put up with such abuse. That's how we should see our minds, as a bad roommate that needs to be kicked out or reformed. Reform the mind and enjoy your life. Many, many books have been written on this topic and the mystics throughout the ages have been begging us to listen. 

No 

Conflict

When the flute is playing

For then I see every movement emanates

From God's 

Holy 

Dance. 

(Hafiz, 14th cent.)

All human conflict comes from the ego's need to be right, to have more, to establish self and meaning, to escape all that it fears, especially death - that is, non-being. We believe that the mind who is speaking, who informs and advises us, who criticizes us, and who judges everything and everyone without exception, is who we are. We believe we can overpower it with reason, or good intentions, or sheer will. We fight it. And we do not rise victorious. 

Try surrender. That is the first lesson in how to train the mind. Surrender to it with out judgment and be willing to talk less and observe more. There is no conflict when the flute is playing.

Thank you for reading my blog and walking with me in the path of spiritual grace; for your willingness to spend this time with me, as together we learn how to see and be Christ in the world. Rowena +