It is often the case that the teacher learns more than the student in most situations. I find this is true of blogging and certainly of preaching. I learn more about a given subject, and myself, I might add, nevermore so then when I undertake to speak or write. I asked Matthew Fox, the hugely famous theologian of our times, and author of over thirty books, how he came up with all the material for his books. I saw him as someone unimaginably intelligent with vast amounts of facts and information in his head. He informed me that that wasn't the case. He said, "I do not write because I know, I write because I do not know." In effect, he said that if knowing the material in advance was required he would never have written a word. But he had topics he wanted to know more about and so he began to explore them on paper and was curious about where that would lead and what he would learn. I think this is a good way to look at life in general, as one who does not know, but has the desire to know and the agency to undertake the work of discovery. And so it is in the spirit of not knowing, but endeavoring to find out, that I humbly suggest three ways to really enjoy life - as student with agency and not as learned teacher.
This article is written with the understanding that all of life is spiritual. And everything that happens in our lives, from small talk to major traumas invite us to grow into Christ consciousness. I believe that life is supposed to be enjoyed. But that isn't what we are taught. In fact, we are taught that life is a struggle. Spiritual teachings turn this on its head. Jesus said, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:25-30 In its purest and highest form, the spiritual path is that of realizing the peace that is all around but unseen and largely unknown. The plank in our eye is our belief in struggle. We are blind to peace, to joy, to love. Remove the plank and life is beautiful - no matter what is happening.
1. Learn to surrender to what is. I might have also said accept what is. But that isn't quite the same thing. There is a submission to acceptance. It suggests that if I could change what is I would, but because I can't or choose not to, acceptance is required. This line from a Star Trek episode comes to mind: "Resistance if futile." Surrender contains a subtlety, a shade of difference from acceptance, at least in the way I am suggesting it. When we accept situations we may be very much opposed to the reality of what we are up against, and our acceptance does not alter that opposition. We just put it to the side. But when we surrender, we drop the resistance. When we surrender, our discomfort or dislike of a situation becomes a moot point, it moves to neutral. That's the whole point of surrender - to take the juice out of it.
The late Jesuit teacher, Anthony DeMello, tells the story of a man on public transit who has a bomb on his lap. The steward comes by a says, "Hey, you don't want that bomb on your lap, put it under your seat." That's the difference between acceptance and surrender. Acceptance moves the bomb from one place to another. Surrender defuses it.
We go through life daily accepting things that we do not like while complaining about them in the same breath. We rarely surrender to these things. We think that if we surrendering we're giving up - we hold fast to the idea that we must "fight the good fight." Surrender isn't weakness - nor is it strength. Surrender is letting go without judgment.
Sometimes when I'm working I get tired. When I accept that I'm tired I am reacting to the feeling of being tired and try to forge on - maybe I have a deadline I have to get the work done. I'm annoyed at being tired. I'm frustrated that this feeling of being tired is getting in my way, it's keeping me from doing something. I fight it, I try to stay awake and get more annoyed. Other times, I feel that I am tired and surrender to that feeling. I let my head drop down while I'm sitting there and fall asleep for several minutes. I'm relaxed, there's no resistance, I'm not annoyed or anxious about it. Shortly I wake up naturally. Now I'm refreshed and keep working. No drama. There's a lot of drama in acceptance. There's no drama in surrender.
Living from a place of surrender is so much better. But we think we have to fight all the time. We don't. We can just go with the flow, without drama, without thinking too much about it. When I was in a difficult situation in the parish some years ago with person who was always looking for a fight, my teacher asked me, "Do you have to fight?" I assumed I had to fight back, to defend my position. But once I thought about it, the answer was clearly, No. I did not accept the situation, I surrendered into it. And the situation evaporated. It was like magic. I did not resign myself to an unwanted situation, I surrendered to its existence without judgment. It was easy.
We don't actually have to struggle against anything. But no one ever told us that. We are programmed to fight against everything that comes our way. Fight. Fight. Fight. And living is hard and painful that way. Try surrendering to everything that comes your way. Observe how hard it is not to want to fight instead. Explore that urge in you. Where does it come from? What do you hope to gain? What do you fear losing?
When you fight anything it's like adding gas to a fire. When you surrender, its like feeling a cool breeze on your face on a warm day.
2. Practice talking less and observing more. This is actually a practice of surrendering vs. fighting/accepting. Most of the time, when we speak, ego is doing the talking. Begin observing conversations. You will observe a lot of subtle fighting going on; that is, a lot of ego establishing of a kind of pecking order. Not always of course, but often. It goes on so predominately that we don't even notice it. It's like fish swimming in the sea in search of water. Observe what you say very closely. How do you feel as you talk? Defensive? Nervous? Need to be right? Need to be understood?
I used to get very frustrated when I felt I wasn't being heard. I really felt I needed someone to listen to me. Then I began to practice talking less and instead paying attention to that frustration as it arises - the old pattern of my mind justifying why I should be upset because I'm not being heard, or understood (or agreed with!). I began to devise ways of demanding to be heard - of pointing out how rude it is not to listen to other people properly. Silly. I heard my teacher say: Do you need to fight? It's way more interesting to observe what is going on inside of me while others talk and to listen very carefully to what I say in response. Why did I say that? When I consider the motives of my own speaking I find I have less to say. I'm content to listen, to understand and to see the dynamic at play - without judgment. (Can I still hear the other person? Yes, more than before because now I'm aware of what I am doing that before kept me from hearing fully.) Criticism is fighting - it's the counter argument, the justification, it's judgment, it creates a position that must be defended. If judgment shows up, and it usually does, observe it - without judgment! The ego wants to assert itself, that's what it does. On to suggestion #3.
3. Learn to be the master of your mind and not its servant. There can be no surrender without learning to train your mind, and surrender is the way to train it. All truth is found in paradox. (Unknown.)
There have been times in my life when I have been very depressed, feeling hopeless, and convinced that my mind was my enemy. I felt like I had no power over it. It kept telling me how terrible my situation was, etc. I wondered what it would take to escape the incessant negative thinking. I think a lot of people live like this. And I think too that sometimes, sadly, tragically, people commit suicide because they can't take the inner fight going on anymore and they just want peace. Thankfully, most people do not resort to self-violence to find peace, but many of us find other ways to cope. Many self-medicate and in all kinds of ways: We are addicted to an endless variety of distractions. Alcohol and drugs are obvious, and serious, but I think that cell phones, social media, and gaming are probably even more widespread. I wrote down this quote the other day, which is either from James Finley or Thomas Merton, perhaps Finley quoting Merton:
"Their lives are devoured by activities and strangled by attachments. Interior solitude is impossible and feared. They do everything to escape it."
We want to escape because nobody has taught us to train our minds. It's probably one of the great failings of mainstream religion. And, as author Michael Singer points out, it's so easy. He says, and I paraphrase: Tell your mind to count to 10. Did it do it? It's that easy. It takes practice, but everyone can do this. Singer goes on to say that when we understand life we will know God. We can only understand life when we train our minds, when we become the master of the mind and stop being its slave. In "An Untethered Life" Singer says that if you had a roommate who talked to you like your mind does then you'd kick it out, you wouldn't put up with such abuse. That's how we should see our minds, as a bad roommate that needs to be kicked out or reformed. Reform the mind and enjoy your life. Many, many books have been written on this topic and the mystics throughout the ages have been begging us to listen.
No
Conflict
When the flute is playing
For then I see every movement emanates
From God's
Holy
Dance.
(Hafiz, 14th cent.)
All human conflict comes from the ego's need to be right, to have more, to establish self and meaning, to escape all that it fears, especially death - that is, non-being. We believe that the mind who is speaking, who informs and advises us, who criticizes us, and who judges everything and everyone without exception, is who we are. We believe we can overpower it with reason, or good intentions, or sheer will. We fight it. And we do not rise victorious.
Try surrender. That is the first lesson in how to train the mind. Surrender to it with out judgment and be willing to talk less and observe more. There is no conflict when the flute is playing.
Thank you for reading my blog and walking with me in the path of spiritual grace; for your willingness to spend this time with me, as together we learn how to see and be Christ in the world. Rowena +
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