150 Pathways to God: #7 Blood

My cats are not welcome in the bedroom at night. I love them dearly. But I love undisturbed sleep more. Recently, when I got up during the night they ran in thinking themselves very cleaver. Big Ben scampered under the bed but I caught him by the back legs and gently pulled him out. Though he did not resist his sharp claw caught the tender skin of the tip of my finger. It was dark but I felt the sticky wetness. I was annoyed to have been cut though I knew he had not meant to harm me. I dreaded wearing a band-aide for the next few days. My finger began to pulse. I turned on the light to assess the damage. I hate the sight of blood, the least of which makes my stomach turn. Dread.

I stood in the middle of my bedroom floor at 4:30 in the morning star-struck by the dot of blood rapidly forming into a perfect droplet. I was suddenly and overwhelmed with joy by the velvety depthless depths of its color; the sheer beauty of it was astounding. I immediately understood that I was meeting myself. Hello self. 

Self who is bound to the expansive wholeness of the universe; a selfish/selfless satisfaction beyond words. In what was but a few seconds an eternity passed, and altogether, and at one time, I felt within the whole of myself the macro - cosmic unity of the blood of all people and all living things as well as a deep appreciation for the micro tasks of blood - how profound its work to carry within itself oxygen and nutrients, minerals and enzymes to every part of the body… indeed we are wonderfully made! The sum of the perfection of it was as beautiful as any flower I have ever seen. I felt a profound kinship with my blood, usually (thankfully!) hidden from me. I might have starred at it for hours, self conversing with self, but shortly that perfect drop that was steadily growing would surely break and hurried to wash and bandage. 

How brief our time of connectedness sacred kin of my kin. Oh, but how delightful and beautiful you are!

150 Pathways to God, #6 Song of the Flute

Durga Pahimam Journey to Satisfaction  (Durga Pahimam is a Kirtan chant by Jai Uttal)

I am the flute

finding satisfaction in and with his voice, we make

an incensed sound offering floating upward, outward, inward to the Holy One.

Flute and voice imbuing the space between this moment and
the next.

Becoming the melody I danced again with the people of my day

new and old, 

strangers and my beautiful son

and my lovely work well done

the memory as delicious as spicy ginger blended with salty miso

the warmth of toasted sesame oil met with the tartness of rice wine vinegar

Dripping from the peppery leaves of cress

teasing the tongue

joy enough for every heart

and more still.

Though some did not know what this was. Listen.

Plucking the strings and making an inviting sound, that is my joy. 

Pluck, pluck, pluck, join the drum, and I will enter in with a breath 

over the hole in the wooden reed.

I observed some in their sadness 

some calling it to themselves

I could not go with them

I witnessed it all from over here.

(I hear the sound of his voice, I feel the pull to sing into the mantra.)

Still, I reached deep into myself and offered to assist

my inner being to their inner being

but no help was accepted.  All is well

it is assured.

It is assured.

I am the flute

catching up to his voice again, and still again

we make our passionate work 

holy.

150 Pathways to God: #5 Knowing

The psychologist looked across the table at me and said: "Well, you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you're pastoral. And God knows the church needs good pastors, so I'm going to recommend you. But I think you're going to have a really hard time with your seminary classes." This was the conclusion of an entire day of testing to determine my fitness for academic level of seminary and the demands of the priesthood on the psyche.

I had been terrified to go back to school after 16 years. Though this was completely irrational. I had graduated from college near the top of my class. I had a successful career, having just been moved into management in a short amount of time. But there was a part of me that believed that I wasn't really very smart and going back to school was crazy. As the testing progressed and as the test facilitator began to shake his head and frown after each wrong answer I fell into a fearful stupor. I stopped thinking and simply answered the verbal questions with: "I don't know." My I don't know's added up.

Two weeks later I was with the required psychiatrist. The next step. Was I psychologically fit? He mentioned he had the report of the psychologist; my heart sank. We exchanged small talk for quite awhile and then he asked me a single question: "What does the cliche tongue and cheek mean?" I said: "I don't know." He asked me again, I repeated: "I don't know." He gently said, "I think you do know. Just take a moment a think about it and when you're ready tell me what you think it means." I told him. The meeting ended. And it's been 15 years now since I graduated from seminary. No academic struggle.

My current spiritual teacher always begins by asking the question: "You are knowing what you are wanting?" To which I often answer, "I don't know." And a little voice says: But I think you do know. It has recently occurred to me that for a long time I lived most of my life from a place of "I don't know." To know out loud is to speak one's truth. To know out loud is to define one's self. To know out loud is to commit to a path. To know out loud causes a shift the landscape of one's life that begins to match that knowing. Mountains begin to move. To know is a form of asking. You are knowing what you are wanting? Ask and it is given.

The first most powerful force in the world is knowing. The second most powerful force in the world is knowing that you know.

Who is God?.... I don't know.... I think you do know.
Who are you?.... I don't know.... I think you do know.
What are you doing here?.... I don't know.... I think you do know.

The work of the spiritual life is to coax out the answers behind "I don't know."

150 Pathways to God: #4 Snow Day

There's another winter storm coming in.

It's messing up my plans. Moreover, its disrupting the schedule at the parish of which I am a part. A whole day of event planning has been cancelled.

The part of me that is experiencing the world as human is a bit disappointed that things aren't going to happen the way I wanted. That part of me is worried about cancelling things and anxious about the snow day. Will people still come? Damage control mode.

Meanwhile, my spiritual being is happily going with the flow. It is not concerned with this change in plans. It knows that all things work out for the benefit of all. Things on the physical plane happen. Ice and snow are part of the landscape of Northeast in January; its a natural part of life in this season. The little snow flakes do not know that our class had to be cancelled nor do they care. They are perfect in every way and there is no duplicate of any one of them anywhere.

At its best, religious life teaches acceptance of what is through the elevation of the spiritual self. It teaches us to worry not about snow days but to focus on snow flakes. To focus not on our imperfections as humans but our perfection in the Spirit.

Acceptance is not patiently waiting in anticipation for something wanted to arrive or conditions to change, but rather describes a state of being. Acceptance means to be perfectly alright, satisfied, in fact, with the state of things; knowing that there is an order and reason for all things occurring as they do. And that all things work together for good.

We human beings don't consistently understand this. Caught up in worldly assessments of right and wrong, black and white, good and bad; no condition escapes judgement. Snow day: Bad.

Unless you're under the age of 10, in which case, Snow Day: Good. Very good. "Let's build a snow man!" Children have snowball fights for hours and make snow angels and look up at the clear blue sky and feel ever so happy in that cold, wet, fluffy, white bed.

In this moment, the snowflakes are coming and they have already been. The snowflakes of last winter make up the water that came out of the faucet and filled my glass and caused my rice to swell. They fill the streams and lakes and are lifted invisibly upward to create billowy clouds. They sit in small balls on blades of grass as dew. They gather in large groups and fall heavy from the sky as chunks of ice. They are life which moves from one state of being into another. Life never ending only changing. Beautiful, bountiful, blissful snow flakes are we.

150 Pathways to God, #3 Be Selfish

This might sound like the oddest pathway to God you ever heard of. Surely there is a typo you ask. Maybe I forgot the “Don’t”? No typo. Well I could improve it I suppose. Be Very Selfish. Yes. That’s better. 

The surest, quickest way to being that light that shines in the world is by way of allowing yourself to simply be the happiest person you can be. I don’t know who said this, but I think it’s absolutely right: In the course of living pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. The Christian ethos has been highly sacrificial for many centuries. We religious folk (swept along with the prevailing culture) have been taught to give and give and give until we’re exhausted mentally and physically, not to mention, spiritually. I have not found anything within religious thought or practice to support this practice. Most Christian and other established faith traditions promote the care of self; some having the understanding that the body is the house or temple of the divine and the care of self is the ultimate respect one shows to the Creator of all that is. 

From a Christian perspective, this is what I believe about what God wants for us: Our lives are supposed to feel good to us. When we are satisfied with our lives and care for ourselves properly we are able to receive the inspiration to do the kind of work that contributes to the common good. It doesn’t work the other way around. It’s really hard to get inspired when we don’t allow ourselves time to meditate or read or have leisurely conversations or to eat a meal like a human being or are weighed down by guilt or burdened by worry. No problem can be solved at the level it was created; so conditions that are created from imbalance will only be perpetuated by people who are themselves imbalanced physically and emotionally, who cannot access the higher levels of thought and contemplation where spiritual inspiration is to be found.

However the reality is that being (very) selfish is not easy because often, ironically, religious institutions themselves condone and commend hard work, sacrifice, and self-denial. But it is not sustainable. As a longtime spiritual leader I know this for sure: A congregation of people who, on the whole, have a balanced life, a sense of life purpose, friends to do things with, time to take a walk most every day, shares in food that took time to prepare and to sit down and eat, have a sound sense of themselves as spiritual beings enjoying life on this rock in human form, and a deep well of gratitude that outweighs by far stories of victim-hood and complaints, is a congregation that will be inspired to do transformational things in their community and will have the communal health to do them. You can’t get blood from a turnip.

Here are a few concrete places to start. If you have 10 jobs in your faith community make a list of all the ways in which those things add joy and beauty to your life. If you really don’t like half of them but just feel you have to because no one else will, resign from them ASAP. Two things will happen. The job you had will be filled with someone else or the project will fold because it has outlived its usefulness and something new will emerge. If you think like a spiritual being and not like a human being you will see that there is NO bad outcome, ever. Everything has a life; its ok to let some things go. If you’ve served on a committee for over 3 years, resign this year. Two things will happen. See previous comment. Always insist on a one year term when you agree to do anything for the church; reassess honestly before committing to second year. New people cannot move into leadership roles if there is no opportunity to do so and that’s not a good thing for the health of the faith community. If you are unwell and still giving all you’ve got, stop now. Rest. Get well. Ask for what you need to support your healing. 

Selfishness in self-care creates the space and the conditions for the emergence of the spiritual being that you are. 

150 Pathways to God; #2 The Kingdom is at hand

The deeper I go in my own spiritual journey the more I have a sense of why Jesus described the Kingdom metaphorically. It isn’t because I know so much about the Kingdom; I don’t know anything more then anyone else, maybe less, much less.  But I do know about faith communities. And faith communities are, I think, supposed to emulate the Kingdom in some form or fashion given that it is made up of those who are confessed followers of Christ who have pledged their life to love God and their neighbor as self. That “love” part is the character of the Kingdom. It has been said about the Kingdom, that it is both here now, and not yet. (C.H. Dodd) That makes increasing sense to me. It is possible, touchable, perceivable right in this very moment and yet it eludes us - not because it is inaccessible but because we are working out of a worldly paradigm and not a Kingdom paradigm and therefore the Kingdom is prevented from fully manifesting. 

Christian faith communities are very much sewn together from the fabric of the world by people who understand themselves as human beings and not spiritual beings. Of course up until this century we didn't really have the imagination or the science to do otherwise. But growth and expansion is the natural way of the cosmos. The church and its life has not received an exemption. Theologian Teilhard De Chardin opened a door that can’t now be closed when he posited: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Current science is revealing incredible things about our world and the cosmos we inhabit (or rather, that inhabits us and how there is no real difference between the two). It turns out that our physical bodies are made up of little more then vibration with a tiny bit of matter. The concrete world we thought was so concrete is not at all; or rather it is, but only because we believe it to be so. Einstein said it best some 75 years ago: “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” As scientifically provable as these things are, we still relate to the world in the same way we always have, and for a lot of reasons. But as the spiritual awakening around the world continues to unfold like a beautiful lotus flower, and life continues to cause us all to expand and grow we are invited increasingly to comprehend this new paradigm of Being-ness. 

What does it mean to be a Spiritual Being? How is it different from understanding one’s self as a Human Being? I think if we could begin to speak to (not answer, as if it were a problem to which there is a clear solution) in the most positive terms we could begin to then relate to ourselves and the world around us in terms of the Kingdom of God. We could be in a state of being in the world that is overwhelmingly blissful, beautiful and bountiful. This seems a conversation worth having in faith communities. Or maybe we could begin with at least one part of that: Speak positively… about everything. Listen to how you frame each thing that passes from your lips. Humans have much to fear. Spiritual beings have nothing to fear. From which paradigm do you chose to live, move and have your being? The Kingdom is at hand.

150 Pathways to God: #1 Getting a C- in Spirituality

This year marks the 150th Year Anniversary of St. James Episcopal Church in Mansfield, PA. During the year the parish will have a multitude of events each with the tagline, “150 Years, 150 Pathways to God” Also during this year, I will attempt to write 150 short blogs about the pathways to God; not an exclusive list by any means - some obvious, some subtle, all valid and accessible. Why? Because it is the work of the church. It is, in fact, the only work of the church: To provide all people with pathways to the Divine. 

My how the church has changed in 150 years! My imagination cannot conceive of the first worship service held at St. James, Mansfield in 1868. A little history: The original building burned and was rebuilt. Later, the shingle siding was replaced with aluminum. The original parish hall and offices was torn down in the 1960’s and a new parish hall constructed which remains in use. The rectory has housed many a priest and their families and was renovated a few years ago into offices downstairs and a two bedroom apartment upstairs. Most recently, the bell tower was renovated. St. James’ physical plant, consisting of three buildings and lovely grounds, is in excellent shape and the busy parish is debt free and growing.

St. James is an Episcopal congregation and part of the Diocese of Central PA and the National Episcopal Church as well as the worldwide Anglican Communion. There are some 70 million Anglicans and has a roughly 500 year history steeped in liturgical tradition, ceremony, sacraments and rites. It is heavily influenced by Benedictine/monastic spirituality. It is unapologetically a religious institution. 

The role of all religious institutions is to inform, nurture and support the spiritual life of those who come to it. Religion itself can be a pathway filled with many paths, but it is never the destination. People who belong to churches have not “arrived” any more then anyone else. Nor does membership say anything about one's relationship to their inner spiritual being.The fact is, we are all continually on the way, growing and expanding into new ways of being. Every pathway to the Divine helps us move a little further on our journey, providing new insights and new experiences and new things to wonder about. 

But at the end of the day, everything rests on Spirituality; the realization of self as a Spiritual Being having a human experience. 

My very first class in seminary was on Spirituality. I remember it more clearly than any other class because I disliked it so much. It made no sense to me. I was far more interested in Church History, Homiletics, Liturgy and learning Greek. I struggled with the papers in which I had to express and define my own spirituality. The reading assignments I could not understand; Greek was easier. Nor did I do the meditation that was required because I considered it to be unnecessary and not really my cup of tea. I made a C- in Spirituality which naturally, I took very personally. My upset drove me a Spiritual Director but I still did not recognize that I was missing anything - I simply wanted to be the best priest I could be. I excelled at all the other subjects and loved every minute of my studies. After ordination I spent the next decade doing the business of ministry: Preached and taught, fulfilled the sacramental role of the priest, performed pastoral duties, married, buried and baptized people, oversaw a major building project and many annual budgets, organized and delegated groups, classes and responsibilities, led mission trips and projects, navigated my way through conflict and family systems all without much thought about Spirituality - though I used the word a lot - I even did a book study or two about it. And then the well began to dry up. Nothing I did seemed to help. I took classes on preaching and focused on theology. I studied harder and harder and all the while I struggled with my inner crisis and considered that I was losing my faith entirely. It wasn't until I began to do an independent study on Native American Spirituality apart from the religious structure I had been in my entire life that my own spirituality began to be awaken. Over the last several years I have done a lot more exploring and have been mining the work of the mystics. Deeper and deeper we go. Fifteen years after that getting a C- in Spirituality I now believe it was the most important class I had. What I did not know then is that I had been so shaped by a lifetime of religious and denominational formation, to which I was very seriously devoted, that I did not even know Spirituality was missing. 

But the culture outside the church does know its missing. 

There is a worldwide spiritual awakening occurring at this time and religious institutions around the world are being abandoned at a startling rate. The church in this time and place is being called to awaken as well and return to the purpose for which is was created - to provide pathways to God. It was the work of Jesus; he showed us the way. He showed us how to be religious without selling out our Spirituality. There is much within religious life to care and nurture the spirit beings that we are and that will be the focus of my blogs. But a major overhaul is coming whether we like it or want it - it is well underway. 

In the overhaul to come we will be letting go of a lot, far more then we could ever imagine. But the gain, is, and will be, far greater then we could ever imagine. 

There is much to explore - 150 Pathways to God - come and see.