This might sound like the oddest pathway to God you ever heard of. Surely there is a typo you ask. Maybe I forgot the “Don’t”? No typo. Well I could improve it I suppose. Be Very Selfish. Yes. That’s better.
The surest, quickest way to being that light that shines in the world is by way of allowing yourself to simply be the happiest person you can be. I don’t know who said this, but I think it’s absolutely right: In the course of living pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. The Christian ethos has been highly sacrificial for many centuries. We religious folk (swept along with the prevailing culture) have been taught to give and give and give until we’re exhausted mentally and physically, not to mention, spiritually. I have not found anything within religious thought or practice to support this practice. Most Christian and other established faith traditions promote the care of self; some having the understanding that the body is the house or temple of the divine and the care of self is the ultimate respect one shows to the Creator of all that is.
From a Christian perspective, this is what I believe about what God wants for us: Our lives are supposed to feel good to us. When we are satisfied with our lives and care for ourselves properly we are able to receive the inspiration to do the kind of work that contributes to the common good. It doesn’t work the other way around. It’s really hard to get inspired when we don’t allow ourselves time to meditate or read or have leisurely conversations or to eat a meal like a human being or are weighed down by guilt or burdened by worry. No problem can be solved at the level it was created; so conditions that are created from imbalance will only be perpetuated by people who are themselves imbalanced physically and emotionally, who cannot access the higher levels of thought and contemplation where spiritual inspiration is to be found.
However the reality is that being (very) selfish is not easy because often, ironically, religious institutions themselves condone and commend hard work, sacrifice, and self-denial. But it is not sustainable. As a longtime spiritual leader I know this for sure: A congregation of people who, on the whole, have a balanced life, a sense of life purpose, friends to do things with, time to take a walk most every day, shares in food that took time to prepare and to sit down and eat, have a sound sense of themselves as spiritual beings enjoying life on this rock in human form, and a deep well of gratitude that outweighs by far stories of victim-hood and complaints, is a congregation that will be inspired to do transformational things in their community and will have the communal health to do them. You can’t get blood from a turnip.
Here are a few concrete places to start. If you have 10 jobs in your faith community make a list of all the ways in which those things add joy and beauty to your life. If you really don’t like half of them but just feel you have to because no one else will, resign from them ASAP. Two things will happen. The job you had will be filled with someone else or the project will fold because it has outlived its usefulness and something new will emerge. If you think like a spiritual being and not like a human being you will see that there is NO bad outcome, ever. Everything has a life; its ok to let some things go. If you’ve served on a committee for over 3 years, resign this year. Two things will happen. See previous comment. Always insist on a one year term when you agree to do anything for the church; reassess honestly before committing to second year. New people cannot move into leadership roles if there is no opportunity to do so and that’s not a good thing for the health of the faith community. If you are unwell and still giving all you’ve got, stop now. Rest. Get well. Ask for what you need to support your healing.
Selfishness in self-care creates the space and the conditions for the emergence of the spiritual being that you are.
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