The bishop was visiting for a special confirmation service mid-week. We'd had a lovely dinner in the parish hall and now the service was underway. It was a small parish and about a third of the pews were filled. I was sitting in my usual seat in the chancel and listening to the bishop preach informally from the aisle. It was not a long sermon and I don't remember every word, but what I do remember shaped my ministry in ways I could not have imagined. It was, admittedly, a small shift in perspective, but one that grew over time. The bishop spoke about transformation. He said that the whole point of the Gospels and of church life was transformation; we are supposed to change. I had understood the teachings of the church as the training of disciples, of obedience to and worship of God, of mission and evangelism, of outreach and good works, and of living a model Christian life, but somehow the word transformation had never been on that list. That one word, transformation, would haunt me for years to come as I tried to understand what he meant. On one level it was obvious and simple, but on another level, it was entirely mysterious.
That sermon and its introduction to the concept of transformation was about 10 years ago I reckon. It has taken a long time for it to flourish in my understanding. It has also taken a lot of teachers from a variety of perspectives and cultures. Each, in their own way, lead me back, again and again, to the revered one of my own tradition, rabbouni Jesus. It seems that the wise teachers outside of Christianity can see in Jesus what Christians, like me, miss: Transformation is the whole point. This speaks to more than making an effort to be a better human being, to be more like Jesus.
"Sometimes people want to imitate Christ, but when a monkey plays a saxophone, that doesn't make him a musician." (A. DeMello, Awareness, 96.)
Sometimes, probably a lot of the time, the church teaches us how to venerate Christ (worship Jesus) and how to imitate Christ (discipleship), but that alone does not serve us, not really. It's perfunctory.
"You can't imitate Christ by imitating his external behavior. [What would Jesus do? insertion mine] You've got to be Christ. Then you'll know what to do in a particular situation... No one has to tell you. But to do that, you must be what Christ was. An external imitation will get you nowhere." (ibid.)
The truth is, through the gospel accounts we have received Jesus' teachings on transformation. We have received what is necessary to be Christ. But to receive the teachings with understanding (wisdom) requires the heart of someone who has not only a willingness, but a longing, to be transformed, to grow up, to awaken. For that one, nothing else matters. Nothing.
This is where transformation begins, with awakening.
Awakening, the one and only path to transformation, is uncomfortable; it requires effort, daily, momentary attention to detail, relentless attention to the inner life; it requires truth-telling - the truth that we are no different and certainly no better than anyone else.
DeMello continues: "People tell you, 'I think you’re very charming,' so I feel wonderful. I get a positive stroke (that’s why they call it I’m O.K., you’re O.K.). I’m going to write a book someday and the title will be I’m an Ass, You’re an Ass. That’s the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you’re an ass. It’s wonderful. When people tell me, “You’re wrong.” I say, “What can you expect of an ass?” (A. DeMello, Awareness, 39-40.)
Liberation. The reward of awakening is freedom. Liberation from a unseen, unknown slavery. We don't know that we are slaves because we are so conditioned and programmed to suffer. But we don't know that. We are taught that everyone who lives must suffer. But this is not true.
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." (Attributed to the Dalai Lama, Haruki Murakami, and M. Kathleen Casey)
As we grow in the spiritual life we learn, and come to actually believe, that our suffering is an opportunity for our growth. With God nothing is wasted. It is the most direct path to awakening for some. But many of us do not see that there is anything beyond the painful circumstances of their lives and we muddle through.
"If you knew how to use that suffering, oh, how you would grow." (A. DeMello, Awareness, 107.)
To awaken is to gain a freedom that cannot be taken away because it's not conditional on external circumstances. It is only conditional on internal wakefulness. We think that if we change things in our environment we'll be happy, we'll be free. But in reality, it is directly through our discontent, our hatred, our anger, our dissatisfaction, our criticism, that we are bound to all the things about which we are discontent and hate, and with which we are angry and dissatisfied; and more so to the things we push away. All we denounce we drag around with us with invisible chains. There is a path to liberation, but this is not it.
The path may take any number of forms. I suggest a reading of the Gospels with the eyes of longing to awaken, to know God. Read the Gospels but do not neglect the writings of the mystics. They will guide you and not by way of the straight path or through the narrow gate of understanding but rather along the shores of a great ocean. There you will see that at the place where the sky and sea meet on the horizon there is both an end to what can be seen and at the same time clarity that the expanse of both sky and sea extend to places beyond comprehension. Standing on the shore with Wisdom as your guide you realize that you are seeing yourself as you truly are; awakened, liberated, transformed.
Thank you for reading my blog and walking with me in the path of spiritual grace; for your willingness to spend this time with me, as together we learn how to see and be Christ in the world. Rowena +
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